Take It From The Top

Like all great journeys, my path began with a single thought.  Nothing profound like "I need to be a monk.," or "I'm going to save the world with a thunderous clap."  No, my thought was more centered around my current situation at the time.  "I'm sick of all of this *%#@!  I just want some peace."

During this time, I was promoted to a new position however still did not have a backfill for the other.  This meant the one Amuri was doing two separate jobs.  By the way it was still one salary paying me...the old one.  Let. That. Marinate.  My newly formed team was fighting over what right looked like, and I left work every day exhausted.

My finances and love seemed to mirror each other and work.  Everything symbolized chaos and distress.  I was tired.  I was afraid.  I felt alone.  I felt left behind.  I felt dishonored.  I felt fat.  I felt ugly.  I felt stagnant.  I felt like nothing.  So for maybe 3 months, I did just that...nothing.  Except I did learn how to play Minecraft and Sims4.

Looking back, my fall into playing those games were a way of creating a world.  It was me trying to build a life, other than my own, which reflected my real desires.  I was able to act out any hurt, then have my characters move on.  In playing Sims, grief and moving on from it, became triggered.  Who builds a Simetary??? This girl did, and it's full!

I sat in my boss' office one day, probably mad about some fight the team had, and noticed how calm I always felt in there.  For some reason he began asking me questions, and one was "do you know why you are always calmed in here?"  To which I responded, "because it's away from people."  As if he's not people, but I digress.  He said, "No it's the selenite I keep in the corners."  With all of the distress and chaos, I never noticed the chunks of rock in every corner.  I did, however, know where the stash of candy was kept.  Because...priorities.

He went on to talk to me about meditating, but my mind was so full of noise, I barely remember anything.  That was until he said, "ever notice how <I won't say their names> never directly walk in the office?  They just stand by the door.  Meanwhile you'll just walk in and sit down even when I'm not here?"  I mean...it is "our" office.  At least that's my theory.  Thinking about it, he was right.  Those people never walked in.  They would weirdly stand by the door and just peer in the door way to talk.  He would have to invite them in...like you do vampires.  Not to say they were evil; just people operating on a different frequency.  One person always gave me a nervous feeling.  She would run around, even while sitting still.  I tried avoiding her, because was never a level of calm present when she entered the atmosphere.

So I googled selenite because it was pretty, and I trusted the boss.  Let's call him Yoda.  Since meeting Yoda, I have never been steered in the wrong direction.  He has earned and has my trust.  On that day, the Universe spoke through him to me, and began answering my unspoken desire for peace.