Reminisce Over You

Setting the stage...
 
I was born into this world surrounded by both parents, both sets of grandparents, great grandparents, a first cousin and two aunts.  Of course there were many cousins and other family members, but that was the make up of my nuclear family.  Throughout time, I've lost all of the people above, except mom.  The loss was multiplied by the deaths of 3 siblings and a few cousins.  Over time I've dealt with the grief and overwhelming sense of loss.  However, this post isn't about that.  Also I don't want to give energy to that part of my emotion because I've spent way to many years swimming in that turbulent and deep ocean.

Tsunami's start with an earthquake erupting from the bottom of the ocean.

About 3 weekends or so ago, I sat in front of my window looking out at the changing trees.  This was after my prayers and meditation time, so the vibration was high in my room.  I had thoughts about my youngest brother, and just felt an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude.  I kept thinking, "how lucky and blessed am I to have known love and to have been loved since before the womb?  There are so many people who feel they never knew love, but I had it in abundance."

The love and desire for a child starts with the thought, the concept of the baby, not fertilization.

My father contracted the mumps during his time in the Navy.  He was told he was rendered sterile, therefore never having the ability to conceive children.  But the 70's were a magical time, because along came me.  :)  I also had 2 little brothers a few years later.  You see, his desire to have a child was so great, that it resulted in my soul be called to this world.  That type of love is a powerful thing.  Not just any soul, but my specific soul was pulled in, divinely designed to be the answer to his unwavering prayer to God.  And after God, my father was my first love.

I have been spoiled by the best.

Funny story time:
My parents were told by the doctor that I was a boy.  1970's ultrasounds were not the clearest in technology.  So they had a name picked out for me...Juan Marcus.  Uhmmmm ok folks.  Surprise!  It's a girl!

So that weekend I sat thinking about all of that.  I thought about how my grandmother would pretend to forget my birthday so I could call her, but always sent birthday money on time.  I thought about how my maternal grandfather came into the church one day when folks were in an uproar, (another post for another time) gun blazing, talking about "Who is messing with <insert his special nickname here>?"  To which my mother said, "nobody's bothering that bad girl.  She's running across the pulpit with the other bad kids."  Y'all they were legit surrounding the pastor in church sooooo...  Granddaddy was always protective.  He walked me to my first girlscout meeting.  Keep in mind my grandfather suffered a stroke, and had partial paralysis on his left side.  But he and I walked to the meeting, and he told me many lessons that would later manifest in my life.

He planted the seed that would later be watered.

So many people to think about.  So many tears to shed out of appreciation.  They loved me until their dying day, and their souls love me now.

A couple of weekends later, I was forced to clean the apartment.  During that time I found an old picture of my cousin and put it in a frame.  The picture that it replaced was one of Bear and I, three chins ago.  BYE!  Then the thought hit, prepare a place for them.  So I kept on cleaning, but not knowing how I would honor them in my home.  I mean, I have a picture of my cousins, brothers and I hanging in the living room, but that was not it.  I needed a place devoted just for honoring my family.  Eventually a space was cleared and place uncovered.  From there more pictures revealed themselves.  My grandfather's hat emerged from under the the dust.  I found two crochet pink ribbons that Little and I picked up during a Breast Cancer relay in honor of my grandmother.  Everything began to unfold.  And I remembered...I packed the plate made by my grandmother's grandmother...that needed to be on the table too.  It was as if these items were lying in wait.  They were sitting there like "I need her to hurry up and get it together so we shine."  There was one item missing, a candle.  I had a candle infused with fig and camomile, but that was not meant to be there.  Hey it was all I had, so it went on the table and was lit.

Then came Wednesday.  Every Wednesday we have a famer's market/bazaar come to the office campus.  I keep ten dollars on me to get the most WONDERFUL massage ever given to mankind.  I mean her hands were anointed by Heaven.  My toenails become relaxed.  PINKY TOE EVEN!  Anywho...I walked by and saw a sight for sore eyes, House Freya.  I bought my first personal crystal from her and a peace candle during the time I called for peace in my life.  Here she was appearing out of nowhere for me again.   We chatted for a bit about life, and then I started looking at the candles.  The first I was drawn to was healing.  But also wanted the money candle...because...abundance.  I asked, "which do you think I should get?"  She goes, "For some reason I'm hearing healing."  Same frequency...candle purchased.  Then she went on to tell me about a special candle she made in October.  Said something led her to create this candle that's honoring our love of our loved ones that have passed on.

All of her candles are infused with herbs and special crystals; along with her intention.  This candle had a special oil and contained an onyx.  I then told her about my weekend and the special alter for my ancestors.  She wanted to cry.  I wanted to cry.  My Guides were satisfied because I knew she was sent, and all that I did the previous weekend resulted in this moment.  Candle purchased.  And a small abundance tea light candle for the road.

So my ancestors are always surrounding me.  My loved ones are all encompassing and saturating me with their love, guidance, wisdom, protection, intuition and energy.  They are only a word, a thought or a candle flicker away.  I thank them for never leaving me.  And I thank the Universe for the Divine Guidance and Purpose on my life.