FroMaste

This morning I finally took the boxes of donated items to Goodwill.   *applause* A few posts back I wrote about getting rid of items I'm no longer using, and how I ignored all of the gentle pushes to get it done.  Well the books, shoes, purses, radio, computer, keyboard and xbox were all neatly placed in boxes which lived in a small area of the living room until last weekend.  To be fair, we only have street parking, and there's never a space in front of our building.  The thought of lugging the heavy boxes to my car for more than 20 steps fed my ever present lazy, thus leaving the boxes where they were seemed more appealing.  However, Thanksgiving ended and well the major motivating factor was reborn, where will I put my tree? My love of the Christmas holiday is well known, frowned upon and sometimes beloved by many.  No matter my age, this time of the year is magical.  I am enamored by the lights.  I will watch the same claymation mo...

I've always tried to be one with with purpose, however the follow through can have ebbs and flows.  I'll go into a project or a task with vigor; then someone or something will throw me off track, and that project will linger...and linger...and linger.  Lots of 3/4ths of things hanging around, waiting for the 1/4th to come in and make it complete. This has been a fact of life for decades.  It's not that I don't desire to finish.  It's that I allow suffocation of self to happen.  My negative thoughts.  Feelings of not good enough.  How can I do this when something else needs my attention.  My need to people please even thought I despise being a pleaser will override those initiatives that make me happy.  All of this stems from childhood daggers and the wounds they created.  So first I had to realize that allowing a wound to scab is not closing it, if the wound is a gaping hole and not a mere scratch.  But, it's all internal so ...

I've always had the gift of dreams. Really I was born with the ability to call things to me in my waking life, but have been too fearful of that gift.  So I end up jinxing myself and calling trash instead of treasure most times.  But dreams of things to come or things unfolding in the present are my constant barometers.  When I was younger, I'd dream of aliens taking over the world, the need to find safety.  So many end of the world dreams for such an immature mind.  Each time, I'd find a place to hide, but the aliens would never just leave.  From there I'd dream about death.  My father's death to be more specific.  In fact, for a year I would randomly dream he'd die in a car accident.  After each dream, someone would die in that manner, a school mate, my sister and finally my father.  Imagine my fear of dreams after that.  But a gift is a gift.  Whether sleeping or awake, the visions will come. Because I'm a daydrea...

Setting the stage...   I was born into this world surrounded by both parents, both sets of grandparents, great grandparents, a first cousin and two aunts.  Of course there were many cousins and other family members, but that was the make up of my nuclear family.  Throughout time, I've lost all of the people above, except mom.  The loss was multiplied by the deaths of 3 siblings and a few cousins.  Over time I've dealt with the grief and overwhelming sense of loss.  However, this post isn't about that.  Also I don't want to give energy to that part of my emotion because I've spent way to many years swimming in that turbulent and deep ocean. Tsunami's start with an earthquake erupting from the bottom of the ocean. About 3 weekends or so ago, I sat in front of my window looking out at the changing trees.  This was after my prayers and meditation time, so the vibration was high in my room.  I had thoughts about my youngest brother...

For the past 3 or 4 months I've been getting a spiritual nudge to pack.  Initially it was direct, "pack up all of those items on top of your cabinets.  Contrary to my usual procrastinating self, I lifted from the couch and packed them.  These are valuables such as: two statues from Nigeria Masks from western Africa set of old books given by my aunt my father's folded flag from his coffin with the last picture I took of him inside a plate passed down to me made by my grandmother's grandmother when she was a slave So some really important stuff! About 2 weeks later, I noticed discoloring in the ceiling. With the slow move of my landlord, it turned into a full blown leak. Some how caulking was supposed to fix a leaky pipe.  Okay Girl... Thank God I listened or those valuables would have been ruined. And then stepped in the lazy. That's where I stopped.  The Universe was nudging.  I would say to Little, "Girl we a moving.  We are buying a ...

Last month I witnessed the glorious Hunter's Moon.  I was riding high from the energy of the previous day's activities celebrating my baby girl's 20th birthday, and was excited to do a full moon ritual. I live close to the City (NYC) and work an hour south, so I had a long time to build the anticipation for what was to come.  Who knows what I was listening to on the radio, but I remember not paying attention to the sky until I drove over a bridge and saw the equivalent of this image in front of me: The moon was so large, full and the most calming amber.  My view had it peeking over the shoulder of One World Trade, but you get the gist.  Called my daughter all excited and screaming.  She basically said "uhmmm okay.  I guess..."  Bye girl...BYE!  I couldn't get home fast enough.  Geeked out and ready to prep my candles, set my intentions, meditate and manifest.   This is how I thought it would be.... Then Reality Steps ...

Like all great journeys, my path began with a single thought.  Nothing profound like "I need to be a monk.," or "I'm going to save the world with a thunderous clap."  No, my thought was more centered around my current situation at the time.  "I'm sick of all of this *%#@!  I just want some peace." During this time, I was promoted to a new position however still did not have a backfill for the other.  This meant the one Amuri was doing two separate jobs.  By the way it was still one salary paying me...the old one.  Let. That. Marinate.  My newly formed team was fighting over what right looked like, and I left work every day exhausted. My finances and love seemed to mirror each other and work.  Everything symbolized chaos and distress.  I was tired.  I was afraid.  I felt alone.  I felt left behind.  I felt dishonored.  I felt fat.  I felt ugly.  I felt stagnant.  I felt like nothing.  So ...